we are more free than this

Moving On

2009-06-19T05:18:00.000-07:00

rheatree.wordpress.com

see you there.

What happened?

2009-03-01T13:51:00.000-08:00

[12 December 2008]

Walking to the video shop in the rain, I felt all of the world's hurt, pain, & lonliness on my shoulders. I walked past a house at which I know one of our young people live, and his mum was screaming at a man to get out, waving her finger at him as he defiantly strutted out the door, looking back in anger, getting in his car, leaving. A sight I've only ever seen in movies, it's so much scarier in reality. My heart goes out to the kids in the house, to their mum & her broken relationship with the man.

I walk in the rain, the dark & cold enveloping me and I think, "Even the raindrops have company." The Beatle's song "Eleanor Rigby" loops in my head, the line "all the lonely people, where do they all come from?" Because surely, we're all born to at least a mom. Nobody is supposed to lonely, that's not the plan. I even have Nickelback in my head (argh I don't like them), the line from their new single, "There's gotta be somebody for me out there." Though probably written regarding a boy/girl relationship, it's the same line for those without family, those without a friend in the world. There's gotta be somebody out there for everyone. What happened?

Relentless

2009-02-21T04:28:00.000-08:00

Jesus heals the blind.

Matthew 9:27-31 is really interesting. Jesus is walking down the road, just after raising a girl from the dead, when two blind men start following Him, calling out, "Have mercy on us, Son of David!" They couldn't see Jesus, but they knew He was there. They couldn't see Him, but they sensed Him enough to be able to follow Him down the road that was probably busy adn noisy, with plenty of obstacles in the way.

The next part is awesome... v28, "Wen he had gone indoors..." Jesus doesn't turn around & make His way to the blind men. Rather, He reaches His destination & goes indoors, & it's up to the blind men to knock on the door & reach out to Him. Why did Jesus go indoors before regarding them? Did He just not hear them or realize they were following Him? Or, was it that He realized that this was an opportune moment to teach about faith?

The blind men didn't stop pursuing Jesus when doors were closed & it seemed like He was out of reach. They were Relentless, & their obvious Trust in the fact that Jesus could heal them made them this way. It doesn't say that they stopped & asked people around them what to do next when Jesus went indoors; no, they continued their pursuit to their Healer.

v28, "...the blind men came to him, & he asked them..." Jesus had just raised a girl from the dead & healed a sick woman. He was inevitable tired & looking forward to some peace & quiet, but that didn't stop Him from making Himself available to these men. He was inside, they were outside. However, no walls, no fatigue, no weakness can get in the way of us & our Jesus.

"Do you believe that I am able to do this?"
"'Yes, Lord,' they replied."
v29, "'According to your faith will it be done to you,' and their sight was restored."

Trust, resulting in a relentless journey to get close to their Healer. And once they got close enough, their lives were powerfully transformed.

Love, struck at its greatest chord

2009-02-06T03:44:00.000-08:00

Unfathomably awestruck.

The Swell Season, live at Vicar St, Dublin.

Unlike any show I have ever been to.

This show was different. It was more than a display of talent, thought talent was mightily displayed. On stage at Vicar St was a completely authentic exhibition of respect, love, humility, tenderness, and passion. Each and every person on that stage demonstrated raw talent for for treating people right, which, to me, overpowered the phenomenal sound coming through the amplifiers.

None of the musicians on stage were getting paid. All of the money for the show was being given to Glen Hansard's mother- she works for an organization that helps disabled children, and they were in need of a bus to take the children on trips. So Glen's mom asked him to do a show to raise money, and so he did.

Glen and Marketa opened the night at 8 o'clock on the dot with a sweet sample of what was the come. After their first song (which could have completed the entire night... they didn't save the best for last), there were about 7 supporting acts. Right up to midnight, artist after artist shared their music with the audience. Each singer or duo was obviously a dear friend of Glen and Marketa's- from where I was standing, I could see Glen standing backstage watching, encouraging, and thoroughly enjoying each of the supporting acts. And it was a family affair as well! Glen introduced his niece at one point, who was performing for her first time, and was absolutely brilliant (though has a strikingly different style than Swell Season... she sang two Leona Lewis songs)!

I had my first experience with true, traditional Irish music as well. One of the supporting acts was this crazy-awesome Irishman, who passionately banged on his boron, danced with his flute, and even threw in an Aboriginal (a culture from Australia's Northern Territory) dream song, on which Marketa harmonized. His music was absolutely beautiful and I used up a good portion of my camera's memory card by video-ing him to share with family at home!

When it was finally Swell Season's turn (a little before 10 o'clock), most of my joy came from the prominent joy on their faces. Any listener of Swell Season will know that their music flows from delicate, close-knit harmonies to heated vocals accompanied by vehement guitaring. And it all works so, SO well!! And it was absolutely wonderful to witness all this first-hand, to actually see Glen's veins popping out of his neck as he pours out his soul into the microphone with Marketa serenely standing at his side, so pleasant in her red clogs.

They did a new song (I think he said it was new? It might be on their actual album, which I don't have...yet) called "Moon" and Glen's introduction to it really made me think, and smile. He said it's about the best point of when you're off the path you're meant to be on, that being the point when you realize you're not on the right path. Of course, as the audience was a crowd of Irish, the "moment", if you will, turned funny as a boisterous "YEEEAAA" erupted when Glen alluded to drinking for two weeks straight.

By the third-to-last song, as I watched Glen fix one of the strings on his guitar (in the middle of a song... no sweat...) I realized that my view walking into this show had been entirely wrong. I began deleting photos of just Glen and Marketa to make room for photos of everyone else on stage. My ticket says "Swell Season" really big, & in smaller letters underneath: "And Friends". But the show should have been "Swell Season & Friends", bolded together on one line with the same size of font. The night was not about Glen & Marketa at all. The night was about friends making music together. Even we, the audience, were their friends for the night. If somebody shouted out the name of a song, Glen would say "OK", & play it. I don't know if there was even a set list.

In continuation with the family-affair theme, the crazy-awesome Irishman brought his little daughter on stage during the very last song of the show, Bob Dylan's "Forever Young." His daughter sat on his lap while he played piano, but during the middle of the song she got up and ran around the stage, looking for her mom I suppose. Her mom had to come on stage and get her, and ended up singing with Marketa & Glen for a bit. It was evidently too beautiful for my own good as it brought some tears to my eyes =] Then again, my emotions were all hay-wire anyways because of the song right before "Forever Young", an epic "Fitzcarraldo". The violinist went nuts.

Usually after a show I find it really difficult to walk out & get back to normal life. I'm not saying that I wouldn't have liked to stay enveloped by glorious music of Swell Season & Friends all night, but the 4 hours of non-stop music was so great that I was completely satisfied by the end and felt excited to go out and share life and music with people I love, and inspired to befriend all the lonely people in the world.

I wish I could have just brought you there with me, so that you could understand what I am earnestly trying to illustrate.

God speaks his love to me through music, glorious music, and it is artists like those of Swell Season and all their friends, with their love and devotion, who make it possible for God to do that.

A walk to the office

2009-01-26T02:07:00.000-08:00

It is inevitable in a small town like Dromore that you walk down the street and see someone you know or are acquainted with. And every morning, as I close my front door behind me on my dander to the office, I ready myself for this.

First it's the two moms on the Circular Road. They walk one in front of the other since the footpath doesn't allow enough room for them to walk side by side whilst also pushing their prams (aka strollers). They are walking back home after dropping their older kids off at school, and I am walking into the square to the office. I walk past these two ladies each and every morning, rain or shine, and each and every morning I chuckle at the fact that, as we walk towards one another, none of us know where to look. It's like we cannot catch eyes until the last possible second or the day would be thrown out of proportion. And then once our strides are pretty much parallel, we finally offer a friendly "Hiya" or "Alright?".

After the moms I'll probably come across Cathy or Sheena, both of whom go to my church and walk their kids to school each morning. Cathy & Sheena are cool and it's always nice to wave hi to them. Never awkward, like the Circular Road moms.

Turn right onto Bridge Street and lately I've been crossing paths with the Thymes Square girl. I don't know her name, but she usually makes my salad box for me whenever I go there for lunch. Again, another instance of "where should I look before I say hi??"

Go through the square and I've made it to the office, where poor Bob is waiting outside in the cold, always. Jackie might be outside of his shop unloading a delivery, and if so then there's a bonus "ALRIIIGHT?!!" to my morning.

Happy day =]

The morning papers make the most out of nothing at all

2009-01-18T10:46:00.000-08:00

(Skip to the last paragraph if you don't feel like reading but want something to think about)

I suppose the lack of blogs is due to the fact that I've had nothing to say lately. Or, that I've been doing so much that I haven't had time to ponder it all in a carefully worded blog. As I've been in Northern Ireland, I've gotten more in touch with my creative side. And upon embracing the right side of my brain more frequently, I've become a lot less organized. I realize that writing is an art form, but for me it's a way to organize my thoughts as well. Therefore, the lack of writing stemming from my lack of organization. Maybe? I'm thinking of printing out my blogs & stapling them into my journal, which is looking bare itself.

This blistery Sunday afternoon started out with good intentions to take a walk & say goodbye to a couple more of those leftover Christmas cookies. But then Lorraine sparked the fire in the fireplace, & the living room was so cozy, &, ahh, I kind of just sat & didn't get up. Sitting in a good way though; I'd like to take a picture of the living room at the moment because it is an array of colored markers, a couple notebooks, my violin, my mac (opened to garage band for music-making), and two books (my Bible & The Shack, to be specific). So despite being temporarily glued to the floor, it was still a colorful, musical, and wholeheartedly whimsical & productive afternoon!

I shared this whimsical productive experience with Sufjan Stevens. He's been playing from my computer all afternoon. My thoughts of Mr Stevens are only good ones; his uncoventional music makes me feel exuberantly frolicsome (...thank you, Thesaurus), and while it may seem idiosyncratic (mmm yes Thesaurus strikes again) to those who are less offbeat than myself, I'd recommend that everybody give him a listen. Not only are the titles of his songs outstanding by themselves, the lyrics inside each song envelop the soul. I never realized how spiritual some of his lyrics are until I heard his version of "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" (a common hymn) and began listening to his lyrics more closely. Here's some of my favs:

"& I'm joining every thought to you, & I'm preparing every part for you" ["All the Trees of the Forest Will Clap Their Hands"]
I relate this line completely to my relationship with God, as I strive to make every one of my thoughts & every aspect of my life of & for Him. I won't ever accomplish the plan He has for my life without doing just that.

"Dear Mr. Supercomputer" --- What a song!
"Springfield with its freak and banter strike the cantor 'God is dead, God is dead'"
I'd say that line summarizes our world. The American ideal, "In God We Trust" remains just that, an ideal. As our world turns to horoscopes and underground magazines to find the meaning of life, the Bible is left in the dust. To try to gain wisdom, we have thrown true Wisdom away.

"I rejoice in what I carry in my heart. It overwhelms what a man, Great Emancipation plans."
And yes. The reason for the title of my blog. The freedom that God offers through his Son, Jesus... it is indeed overwhelming. It's what makes me so passionate. When Jesus was nailed to that cross, all of our burdens, worries, fears, sorrows, were nailed there with Him. They died with Him, &, unlike Jesus, they weren't resurrected. And so we are FREE from them! We are more free than we allow ourselves to be most of the time (Read Colossians 2:13-15 in case I'm wrong).

Check out these songs as well: "Carlyle Lake", "Woman at the Well", & "Chicago"

Love.

8 Things

2008-12-12T09:05:00.000-08:00

Put your star in a bell jar.

Sit back and watch the bazaar

whilst you smoke a cigar.

[What is more hypocritical than

chocolate in a salad bar?]

And as the acoustic guitar

soothes your heart's scar

remember Myanmar.

It's more than optimism.

2008-11-14T05:38:00.000-08:00

The message of the Love of Christ is a bestseller. It's number one on all of the charts.

Our world is longing for a Savior, a Never-Ending Love. The problem is that all of our love songs are directed at loves that fail and die rather than the Great Love we're all longing for.

Lately the weather has been so bipolar...

2008-10-28T06:06:00.000-07:00

Well it's a typical day in Northern Ireland.

Every morning when I wake up, the first thing I do is stretch my neck to look out the window for the weather forecast. This morning, it was raining. Typical.

About an hour later, it was snowing. Wow, snow!

About an hour later, the sun was out & the sky was beautifully blue.

And now after a couple hours of sky blue sky, it is snowing again.

But wait! Oh, the snow is slowing down....

[Edit..30 minutes later.]

The sun is shining, & the clouds are scarce.

Unfailing Love

2008-10-17T02:21:00.000-07:00

Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous;

sing, all you who are upright in heart!

Sing joyfully to the Lord, you righteous;

it is fitting for the upright to praise him.

Praise the Lord with the harp;

make music on the ten-stringed lyre.

Sing to him a new song;

play skillfully, shout for joy.

For the word of the Lord is right and true;

He is faithful in all he does.

The Lord loves righteousness and justice;

the earth is full of his unfailing love.

[Psalm 32:11-33:5]

On Wednesday night I had the privilege to attend a percussion & vocals worship night. Everyone sat in a circle and those who had drums began a simple beat. There were extra drums, maracas, & all kinds of percussion instruments in the middle for anyone to pick up and use if they wanted. The simple beat would always grow & grow until it turned into an orchestral wave of rhythm. Most of the time I just closed my eyes and meditated on the rhythm, but the best part was when we would sing to it. Our voices were the instruments that claimed and maintained the key. I thought it might be awkward to sing along to only percussion, but it was surprisingly easy, & freeing. I found the music to be freshly raw and thus more authentic than worshiping along to an entire band. It was an experience I hope to have again in the future.

Worship is honoring and praising God. I find the most genuine type of worship is that which we do with our lives. But when we're able to connect with God through music, by singing to him from our innermost being, creating melody for him by plucking or bowing some strings or banging on a drum... I just know that's what music was meant for. I feel an awesome sense of God when I'm praising him with music, different and more real than anything other type of love. I guess it's because I know I'm worshipping a Love that will never fail.

A conversation I had

2008-09-28T10:09:00.000-07:00

So Cheryl Bailie (my "line-manager"-boss-friend) is awesome. On Friday I was sitting in the office wracking my brain for some innovative ideas for Kidsfest (to be only the sweetest kid's program ever) when she told me to go out & get some fresh air (She reads me like a book). The walk that I took was just what I needed. I didn't think of any innovative ideas, but God answered other questions that have been lingering in my mind. I've been asking Him WHY? : "Why am I here God? I'm not doing anyting that any of the other DYFC workers/volunteers can't do to impact this town, from what I can see at least. Kidsfest? Cheryl can think of way better ideas anyway, & I'm not really an evangelist either. Anything that I can do, others in Dromre can do as well, & I can do anywhere. Why Dromore, Lord? Why can't I be in some physically impoverished place where I'm able to see the results of my efforts & feel appreciated by the peole I am helping? I want to get back to basics (Jeremiah 6:16! I so want it!)- surely living in a hut & eating rice for dinner would be just that?! So, again, why Dromore?"

I said all of that to God whilst dandering through the woods of Dromore park with "Freewheel" by Duke Special looping around my mind, & God replied,

"Faith is being certain of what you cannot see- this is why I've had your nose stuck in Hebrews 11 & pondering faith lately! You are here in Dromore by faith... though you can't always see all the results of your efforts to inspire, guide, & love like you would if you were in a third-world country or any place with physical needs, & though you may not always be helping people who appreciate your efforts, know & trust that I need you here. Have faith that your presence in this town is necessary for this time. 'Back to basics' doesn't only mean back to material things... the most basic of all 'things' is to Love. Love for all you're worth."

Freed from doubt & sure of my Savior's hand in my life, I meandered back to the office.

NI vs USA

2008-09-10T06:28:00.000-07:00

What if rain drops were different colors & so when it rained buildings would become multi-colored? And they wouldn't all run together & turn brown because the colors miraculously wouldn't mix. God could do that, & it would be stellar. Ireland would be the most colorful place in the world!

They don't refrigerate their eggs in the supermarket?! ...& 5 other things done differently in Northern Ireland (& probably the entirety of the UK) than the US:

1. Cute &/or fancy mailboxes are non-existent. Rather, post-boxes (a slit in the door) are installed on every front door, & the post man walks up to each door to deliver the mail. To send mail, one must go to the post office, or use a community post-box down the street (I suppose this probably happens in some places in the States as well?)

2. "Crisp" (potato chip) flavors: Fancy trying some Roast Ox (actually not too bad) or Prawn Cocktail crisps? How about Worcestershire Sauce, or Pickled Onion?

3. For dinner (or, "tea"), usually your food is piled onto your plate for you in the kitchen, & then brought out to you at the table. I prefer the American way of putting all the food on the table & everyone helping themselves. (I'm not a fan of gravy, & I unfortunately tend to forget to mention that before my plate is brought out to me.)

4. In a wedding, the bride's family pays for bridesmaids' dresses & groomsmen's tuxes. Lucky for the bridesmaids & groomsmen... not so much for the happy couple.

5. This isn't really something "done" differently, but check out these police cars & ambulances! You can't miss them on the road.

So there's some culture for you =] & for some reason this is typing underlined & I can't get it off....In the DYFC office, now consisting of our fantastic 2008-2009 team (Cheryl, David, Anna, Bob, & myself...check out our photos... link to the right...), we've been brainstorming for the year ahead. For those of you who don't know, the Base has gone mobile. We no longer have the centre that housed BaseKids and Drop-In; what we do have, however, is a mobile caravan, out of which we're praying that God is going to do great things. I've been put in charge of a project that will hopefully electrify out children's ministry..

Love.

Northern Ireland Again!!

2008-08-29T09:51:00.000-07:00

BACK.

After somewhat of a personal emotional rollercoast of a summer, though still awesome as I caught up with & had incredibly adventures with my loved ones, I am in Northern Ireland yet again! As I write this, I am sitting in Lorraine's fabulously comfortable & humble estate at Beresford Hill in County Down. The closet space available to me is overwhelming as I have the entire wardroabe (which takes up an entire wall) to myself this year. I'm at a loss as to what to do with all the space- I feel like all my stuff is scattered around the four corners of the world! (Ashleigh, I miss you!!!)

Cheryl picked me up at the airport & then took me out for "coffee" (I got water, a clementine, & a slice of square tomato-basil-mozzerella pizza). I spent the remainder of the afternoon unpacking & power-napping. Upon dinnertime, the Bailies' picked me up again (oh, this was after I woke up to a sweet hug from my sweet mummy Lorraine!) & we chowed down on Chinese food in their living room. I met the newest addition to the Bailie family as well- Molly, their rabbit. She's SO CUTE! --except that she poops everywhere. But pooping seemingly uncontrollably is Molly's only flaw =]

I walked back to Lorraine's in the silent twilight & pondered my feelings. The walk felt normal- completely familiar. I seemed to need to remind myself that I've been away for six weeks. I do miss my family (& the sun) at the minute, which makes the move feel more real.

However, I feel like I'm in control & that this year will be familiar & that I know exactly what I'm doing. This scares me. It also makes me feel less confident & wary because I know I know nothing about this year, & I have never had less control. Everything is too familiar & comfortable for my own good!! I am anxious for everything to get started so that the familiarity becomes blurred.

Love.

don't let the panic bring you down

2008-08-07T08:33:00.000-07:00

Just yesterday I realized how incredibly lucky I am to have the kind of family I do.

Well, I've always known that I'm lucky, but it's something i push to the back of my head without ever really reveling in it.

My family is so unique- after my parents had my 3 biological sisters & me, they added 3 more little ones from China to the tree. There's a huge gap between Sarah (8) & my youngest biological sister Kirstyn (16), & some families wouldn't be able to handle that. But I think we do very well.

Yesterday Sarah & I were in a store & we slowly walked by the diamond jewelry section, admiring the sparkling earrings, necklaces, & rings. When we were looking at the rings specifically, Sarah strung together a few simple words that filled me with the wonderment of her innocence,

"I wonder if they change color."

Unfortunately I had to inform her that these kinds of rings don't change color, which she seemed to take ok. But, wow. As we were gazing at diamonds, her only thought was if they changed color, like the plastic mood ring she wears around her finger. This amazes me!!

Without the 3 little rascals in my life, how would I be reminded of little things like this? I am so blessed to daily be prompted about how simple life can be if only we allow it. I am aware that most people in my stage of life, transitioning from teen into young adult, are void this blessing. And so it's no wonder that they get sucked into the monotony of the "real world" & forget the freedom we all once held as a child.

The grumpy old man in the grocery store line used to spend his summer days fishing with his buddies.

The rude & seemingly lifeless customer relations person on the other end of your phone line used to love reading Dr. Seuss.

The angry cashier decked out in her chipped black nail polish used to wear nothing but yellow.

These guys know how to live, & they can't even drive!

break & mend.

2008-07-29T09:40:00.000-07:00

So I have this awesome aunt whom i call my Auntie Bethie. She's way cool. For my birthday last year, she took me to the Philadelphia Art Museum (We were going to go to an Andrew Bird show in Philly, but the CB East talent show was the same night........ ... ..... .. . .. . . . . . .) Auntie Bethie, though I don't know if she knows it or not, is going to take me to get my first tattoo, whenever that happens.

Anyways, this wonderful aunt of mine commented on my post 'and so tears came', & i think what she said is insightful, & I very much agree. So i'm posting it here:

"Guarding ones heart is a tricky task...don't guard it so closely as to be afraid to let someone in..there is a thin line between guarding the doors of our heart and shutting the door. Remember that God has purpose in everything he allows to happen in our lives and that through heartache comes healing...a broken heart is also open."

I know heartbreak is meant to happen in everyone's life. It makes us grow, & it leaves room for deeper love to come. I think I've pounded the phrase 'guard your heart' into my head so much this past year that I've forgotten that it's important to let people [aka boys] in as well. So, thanks for the wee reminder auntie bethie =]

However, I think it's important to guard your heart a little in the sense that you don't pour your emotions out to just anybody. It's good to dance, but i think we should save our feet from dancing with just anyone at all. [Duke Special, "Freewheel"] I think the movies & songs these days advocate that it's ok to become emotionally connected to absolutely anyone. For instance,in a lot of flicks, the protagonist couple always has a scene where they spill their hearts out to eachother, & then sleep together. Like, what's that all about? That's not how it's meant to work. [It's like, Girl: "I had an awful childhood"; Guy: "I had an awful childhood too"; Both: "Wow, we're meant for eachother....let's have sex" .....ok, ridiculous.] And then the next day is great, but then something unspeakable happens, then comes the chase scene, & finally the happy couple magically ends up together. THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS.

K, sorry, went off on a tangent there.
I think what i'm trying to get at is, people these days think it's OK to spill their deepest feelings to absolutely anyone, thus emotinally connecting themselves to whomever & thinking it's ok to date them. But when the time comes for the break-up [which is inevitable in relationships such as this], it's way messier & broken than it ever needed to be. And what could've been a beautiful friendship had they realized they weren't meant to become romantic, is gone.

I just feel so sad for people who bring unnecessary heartbreak onto themselves.

Quite Hippie-Like

2008-07-19T09:08:00.000-07:00

[an artistic description of how i am so blessed with the most awesome friends in the world]

I set out in sight of a tea party, anxious to catch up with a few dear friends.
Katie greeted Elise & I at the front door-
She would've fetched the sight of any gentleman in her green sundress and carefully crafted homemade beads had she been about town,
But instead, that Monday night found her practicing the hospitality she is so incredibly gifted with.
She led us into the house,
And the tea party I had orginally expected suddenly turned into a party of sheer extravagance,
With shouts of surprise and wonderful hilarity!
Confusion forced my lips to form a "Whaa--?"
But the banner hanging from the ceilling offered assistance to me, as it spelled my name
And confirmed my speculation as to why people had just jumped out from behind couches.
Shock and joy shook me as I embnraced those who are as close to my heart as family,
And in each guest's eyes I saw unadulterated friendship.

That damn silly smile wouldn't give my face a break.

The songs we sang that night continued to the next day.
After some tete-a-tete wtih Micaeli
I slept, dreamt, and woke to my best friend telling me it was 9:20 and we ought to prepare for our morning's planned expedition to Rice's.
We ventured through the vendor's sales,
Each conquering the prices of the stands behind and next to them, of course,
Stopping every so often to test a pair of sunglasses
Or question the value of a potential graduation gift.
But, it was hot.
Finally melted by the sun we retreated to the comfort fo air conditioning at the Rourke residence,
At which Mary-Pat and wee Sean-the-Irishman paid a visit!
Curled up on the sofa, I reveled in the love, family, and friendship mingling together.

Later, as the sun sunk closer to the horizon
We glorified nature and treaded through its beauty.
Our toes and soles met slick rocks as we precariously traipsed through the river,
Taking caution not to slip as we followed the stream and momentarily shared habitat with aglae and fungi-
They clung to the rocks in order to not get swept away
As friends and loved ones alike, we held and steadied each other.
It came time to leave the water, and, quite hippie-like, we endeavored to the country road;
Asphalt paralleling liquid silver;
Asphalt and tar that read the prints of our bare feet as we made our way to the covered bridge.
There were some nice boy scouts on bicycles that offered salutations, which we returned.
We're friendly like that.

Upon reaching the bridge we were satisfied to realize that it was indeed covered,
And it is my hope that our tourist friends from Delaware unearthed the same satisfaction in the photograph they snapped as they drove by.
We turned around, and on the journey back to Delilah
I made each step exact to protect my feet from burning on the black, sun-soaked solution for smooth cruising.
As as my feet focused on sparing themselves from pain
My lungs were set on having enough breath to belt the Eisley melodies we carried with us down the road.
We tuned trolleys and pushed them through the wood,
Unconcerned for those who would prefer us not to sing-
Not concerned about anything at all.
And the wild raspberries were so tangy sweet on our tongues.

The day came to a close with an impromptu gathering in the Comber kitchen
Featuring party cake ice cream and mismatched milkshakes.
We washed our feet with the garden hose and collapsed in the grass,
Tucking the sweet spontaneity away until we sing together again.

[shout out to KFulg for throwing me a surprise party, & ECombs & MRourke for an awesome Tuesday]

what i love about being home

2008-07-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

i know i just did a blog about food, but just bear with me please.

i was really overwhelmed this morning when deciding what kind of cereal to have for breakfast.

you would be overwhelmed too if you had 25 types of deliciously organic cereal to choose from.

[including 5 boxes of Puffins.]

my sisters & i are at the library.

kirstyn is going to take out some movies. the titles are:

'the doors' (a documentary type thing i guess)

'titanic' (she's never seen it...)

'the sting' (her friend's favorite movie apparently)

'desperate housewives season 1' (she's seen all of the seasons except the first)

'life is beautiful' (recommended by her boss)

we're at the library because i wanted to upload photos online & at home we only have dial-up. thus, i am wasting less time than i would be at home.

home.

this is where i am at the moment. for 6 or 7 weeks-ish.

home is bucks county, pennsylvania.

doylestown specifically, but i don't like saying that really because 'doylestown' = posh & our family isn't.

cheryl warned that when she got home after being on her gap year, she struggled to find purpose for each day. so that's what i prayed for this morning. purpose. God's really challenging me at the moment. He's opened my eyes this year, & i can think of 2 things specifically at the moment:

1. guard your heart. [Proverbs 4:23] i'm not talking about me right here, i'm talking about what i've seen in dromore with the 12-15 year old girls 'being with', 'meeting' [whatever you want to call it] boys that are much too old & experienced for them. i've seen girls go through unnecessary self-inflicted pain & really suffer because of it. girls, protect yourselves, please. you don't necessarily have to go through a lot of pain to find the right person.

2. ministry is not for one place at one time. as i am home at the moment, i have not left my ministry in dromore. my LIFE is my ministry. therefore, wherever i am, whenever, i am always to be living & shining for my Savior. it's not only the guys & girls in dromore that i am to help- there are broken people all around me; friends, family, strangers...i am to be all things to ALL men.

so, if you knew me before i went to ireland, don't expect the exact same amanda. i'm still a dork, but a dork with a purpose. =]

i don't do drugs.

2008-06-26T03:14:00.000-07:00

i'm never eating refined sugar again.

http://macrobiotics.co.uk/sugar.htm

my new favourite place

2008-06-22T12:54:00.000-07:00

i really love the north coast of northern ireland.
i say that a lot, & i really mean it.
i'd love to get married there.
on a nice day, it is the MOST beautiful place
[that i've seen so far in the world].
but.
this weekend we were in ballintoy,
& i found my most favourite place
in my most favourite place [the north coast]:
Ballintoy Harbour.
on friday evening [11pm, & it was still light out.
in fact, it was light until 1am.]
we dandered to Ballintoy Harbour from the youth hostel we stayed at this weekend
["we" = base volunteers].
i have never seen such a raging sea
or listened in awe of such clashing of waves against cliffs.

and so tears came.

2008-06-19T11:48:00.000-07:00

As most of you probably know, I made a surprise visit home for a few days. The focus of this trip was to see my sister Emili graduate high school. Therefore I was with my family for most of the time and apologize for not seeing everyone that I would have liked to have hugged. I am so proud of my wee sis though. School was difficult for her, but she pulled through and that diploma is now in her hands. Nicely done, Em!

Being at CB East's graduation yesterday evoked buried emotions that I wasn't fully aware still existed in my heart. For reasons unknown, I felt exactly how I felt at my graduation- stressed, with a shattered heart. After all, it wasn't me leaving my high-school friends and stepping out into unknown territory. I"ve done that already. Was it the mass of blue & white graduation gowns & the choir singing the same songs I sang for three years poking at my being?

No, after some thought, I think I've concluded that these feelings came from seeing faces and being in the presence of ones that I care incredibly about- people that I care so much about, but they either don't feel the same towards me, or are misguiding themselves down a path of destruction that I can't do anything about. Some looked different, and some looked the same, but despite new or same looks, my feelings were just as powerful as last year (and the year before that, and the year before that.......) Feeling this way this year surprised me though, because I thought I had moved past those emotional bondages (traps, boxes, prisons...) Apparently, however, I just needed an instance for them to erupt again.

And so tears came.
But I hid them of course.

And this leads me to URGE you, my audience...
Do not mess with your heart, and do not let it be messed with. Rather, "Guard your heart, for it is the well-spring of life" [Proverbs 4:23] It takes a lot to heal self-inflicted wounds. More than days, more than weeks. Months? If you're lucky. Years? More likely.

not just a boulevard of broken dreams.

2008-06-09T03:17:00.000-07:00

It makes me sick how they make millions from our young peoples' misery.

"They"= the producers of music & media drowning my generation's minds with lies of rage, depression, & sex. Life doesn't have to suck, but as they continually enforce the thought that "it doesn't get any better than this", my generation's hope & genuine laughter is churned into their fancy cars and diamond earrings.

This has got to stop.

****I'd like to bring to your attention a mistake that i made in previous posts. My mom kindly informed me that Half the Sky is in fact not an adoption agency, but rather "it's a non-profit organization (based in CA) that sets up pre-schools in the orphanages in China where the government allows them to do so. " Thanks Mom!****

Upon that thought...

2008-06-06T04:09:00.000-07:00

[[be sure to read the post just prior to this one in order to catch my drift...]]

...& upon reading about the situation in China is and having my heart shattered, my initial reaction was "I want to help!" These young children so badly need help & want it... in the meantime, I'm in Northern Ireland, relaxing on the sofa, drinking tea & munching on granola at my desire. I am doing nothing to help & that's not fair to those children.

You see, for the time being I am involved in youth work, & youth work entails helping young people who don't necessarily want to be helped. And so my heart leaps at the thought of helping children who would be totally appreciative of it, who would jump for a hug & never let go. I don't always feel like I'm making any difference in anybody's life here in Northern Ireland. In Sichuan, the immediate benefits of my love would be visible to me.

However, this thought led me to the conclusion that I've been placed in Northern Ireland at this time for a reason! God needs me to do something here and now. If He wanted me to help the young children orphaned by the earthquake in China, He would have me there. In fact, He has my sister there at the moment. We are all meant to be somewhere at the right time. If we can't be in China, we can still make a difference right where we are. I can't be in China, but I am in Dromore, and thus my efforts to love here should be 200%.

I don't know.

2008-06-06T03:17:00.000-07:00

In Sichuan, China, there are 71,ooo people confirmed dead from the earthquake on May 12. 5,000,000 remain homeless as well.

Or you can think about it like this:

The Vietnam war claimed the lives of 58,217 American soldiers.

58,217 killed in a war; 71,000 killed in an earthquake

5,000,000= two-thirds of the population of New York City.

Can you imagine two-thirds of NYC suddenly homeless??

My mom sends me updates from a Chinese adoption agency called "Half the Sky", & this is what their latest update entailed:

"At a shelter in Chengdu, one middle schooler who was evactuated from Wenchuan told our team:

'The first floor of the school disappeared. The second floor became the first floor. Our teachers were too busy ehlping us to have time for their own children. We carried two injured students from the collapsed building to a tent on a mountain top. We stayed in the mountains after that and lived on potatoes that weren't ripe and shared 2-3 bottles of water among more than 60 of us every day. Later, two students died in the tent. It rained and rained. We knew there could be landslides because we knew a big aftershock could happen at any time, but we didn't know what to fear anymore.'

At the Sichuan Children's Activity Center west of Chengdu, our team learned about a boy who feels guilty that he was not able to save the girl that sat next to him in class. When the building was about to collapse, the boy managed to run out of the building. Some of his classmates were not so lucky and he tried pulling his classmate whose leg was tck in the rubble. Unfortunately he did not succeed and the girl later died. Now he feels guilty that he could not save his friend and talks about it over and over..."

WHY?

71,000 people, dead! 71,000 families changed forever. Many parents losing their only child, many children losing their parents.....

My heart literally feels shattered.

Here's what brought the tears to my eyes though:

"A boy arrived at the institution with a bandage on one side of his head. The staff gave him a name and estimated that he is two years old. Every time the institution gate opens he runs to it and says 'baba,' 'mama,' the only words he knows. The expression of his face is one of sadness and fear without security. There was no smile on his face during the whole time we were here."

All this little boy wants is his baba & mama. And he's never going to see them again.

I urge you to read more at www.halfthesky.org

Where am I going & what am I doing?

2008-05-16T02:13:00.001-07:00

Whenever I think about where God is taking my ministry, aka my life, I feel like the answer is at the tip of my tongue but I just can't understand it yet. In order to try to figure it out, or find the right path, I made two lists.

Things that irk me:

1. Racism & racial slurs

2. Mass media; the lies it spreads, the image it says we need to look like, its negativity, its one-sidedness, & its focus on irrelevant issues (i.e.-celebrity)

3. People who do nothing with the opportunities given them; i.e.- help is offered to an alcoholic, but he refuses it & instead leaves his family because he knows the drink hurts them. He goes on to ignore his daughter & turns to drink and another woman to sooth the pains of feeling sorry for himself.

4. Parents who don't care about their children; every parent's goal should be to give their child a better life than they had

5. Corrupt government

6. Music without heart and soul

7. Arrogant & self-centered people

8. Intolerance &/or unacceptance of new & unique things/people, or things/people one wouldn't otherwise be comfortable with or accepting of

9. Negatively judging people according to their appearance (I need to work on this one.)

10. Insincere & fake people

Things that sadden me:

1. People not striving to find themselves for who God created them to be

2. People not striving to find what God has created them to do; rather, they waste thier life on earth by satisfying their momentary needs & desires; they are content to believe that there is not point to life, or unwilling to search for more due to sheer laziness (the contentedness is saddening; the laziness aspect, however, is irking)

3. Orphaned children

4. Musicians like Jesse Lacey & Conor Oberst who know that Jesus exists & brings life to the full, & even write about him in their songs, but don't want to live for him.

There's probably more to both of these lists, but I think the above is a good start to figuring out exactly what God has called me to do here on earth.

Love.

"& the album begins with a song of rebellion"

2008-04-25T16:02:00.000-07:00

[quote by Say Anything.]

Say Anything is a great punk band. Don't ever listen to them if you want to follow Jesus 101%.

blogging is great.
it is an outlet for thoughts that we would never dare say aloud to another person.
therefore, we write them out for the entire world to read.
daring. hypocritical. fantastic.
read mine if you dare.

living in northern ireland is lovely. i've gained friends, wisdom, & weight since my brisk move in in september. so far, however, my experience has lacked one important thing: community. i have stellar friends & plenty of aquaintances. but the one thing i've missed most is being able to call up an old friend, who will call up another old friend, who will call up another old friend, & then have a gathering of 20 or so old friends. homesickness? maybe. but i think it is more than that as well. there's a longing inside me that is anxious to share my thoughts with someone other than a mentor. my journal knows as much about me as i do; my best friends at home know even more than that. i guess that's why this blog finds me here. even if only one person reads it, i'm satisfied to know that i've shared my thoughts with someone other than myself- lonliness can only be disguised for so long.

moving on.
if prayer is merely a conversation with God, why is it so difficult?
raise your hand if you're like me & you can't pray.

selfishness sucks dry the strength of selflessness.
& so my prayer is the 51st psalm.