and so tears came.

As most of you probably know, I made a surprise visit home for a few days. The focus of this trip was to see my sister Emili graduate high school. Therefore I was with my family for most of the time and apologize for not seeing everyone that I would have liked to have hugged. I am so proud of my wee sis though. School was difficult for her, but she pulled through and that diploma is now in her hands. Nicely done, Em!

Being at CB East's graduation yesterday evoked buried emotions that I wasn't fully aware still existed in my heart. For reasons unknown, I felt exactly how I felt at my graduation- stressed, with a shattered heart. After all, it wasn't me leaving my high-school friends and stepping out into unknown territory. I"ve done that already. Was it the mass of blue & white graduation gowns & the choir singing the same songs I sang for three years poking at my being?

No, after some thought, I think I've concluded that these feelings came from seeing faces and being in the presence of ones that I care incredibly about- people that I care so much about, but they either don't feel the same towards me, or are misguiding themselves down a path of destruction that I can't do anything about. Some looked different, and some looked the same, but despite new or same looks, my feelings were just as powerful as last year (and the year before that, and the year before that.......) Feeling this way this year surprised me though, because I thought I had moved past those emotional bondages (traps, boxes, prisons...) Apparently, however, I just needed an instance for them to erupt again.

And so tears came.
But I hid them of course.

And this leads me to URGE you, my audience...
Do not mess with your heart, and do not let it be messed with. Rather, "Guard your heart, for it is the well-spring of life" [Proverbs 4:23] It takes a lot to heal self-inflicted wounds. More than days, more than weeks. Months? If you're lucky. Years? More likely.